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nonsense86
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montreal is a ____ place. I have yet to decide how I think it should be described. My friends and I were at a pub on saturday in downtown montreal, when this old man asked to take a seat beside us in the crowded place. As it turns out, he was a fortune teller (actually, he was the second montrealian to make this claim on that day). Playing along, i allowed him to perform his odd ritual over my hand in order to read it. But when I say odd I really mean he was rubbing his right hand over his sweaty old head and nose with and then rubbing it over my hand which was being gripped in his left. he told me the usual vague story, like i'm going to have some hardships in the future, and i should decide if its right to take the easy way out. But then he said something that made me think twice about his credibility; he pointed at my neck and told me there was something wrong with my thyroid. Few people know this, but I was actually born without a thyroid, a condition that isnt exactly common. What does this mean? How is this logical ? Well, no sooner did he convince me that he was genuine, then he destroyed all credibility by grabbing my breast and making coo-coo noises while we were having our picture taken. montreal is a ___ place. |
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I once believed that change was one of the scariest, most dreadful things to happen to someone. Think about it, if life stayed exactly as it was then we wouldn’t have to deal with anything new, and run the risk of realizing the existence of things in our lives we simply cannot solve or would never willingly accept. But as someone becomes all too familiar with their daily surroundings, that glorious filter which only allowed fun to seep through eventually wears thin, revealing a whole new side of people you never intended to see. It saddens me to say that I’ve been overcome with the feeling that the side which the filter displays sometimes isn’t worth the side which the filter hides.
People change; it’s inevitable. There are things about this world which can have such an effect that it could make the purest of saints turn into devious liars. People change because this world changes. This cannot be scary because it is inevitable. When we can realize that things are out of our hands, it makes us feel a lot less pressured to act correctly. The scary part is when the rift in the filter becomes so large, (yet does not break on its own), and we must therefore do something about it. The problem is now in our hands; what do we do? How do we find the answer? Doing nothing has repercussions equal to that of acting, so doing nothing is no longer a wise decision. The problem is that by the time we realize that we must do something, the situation has gotten to the point where we are so fed up with the whole ordeal, our inclinations lead us toward giving up. We end up feeling that starting new in an entirely new direction is the easiest and wisest course, as mending the filter would only be burying a problem which we know exists and cannot solve. |
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so kayla and i were walking through this nice, wholesome craft store the other day while handing out resumes me: kayla, what is velvet made from? kayla: BABIES! mother/daughter in close proximity: * traumatized expressions of total outrage* oh my god! oh kayla, i hope you get that job.
Current Mood: |
 amused | |
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I want to pretend that staying up all night while sustaining myself on strong earl grey tea and gross amounts of honey is really good for me. I sort of feel like Alice in wonderland when she taken the pill that makes her grow taller….i stand up and everything seems so far away and small…or maybe I’ve stretched so many times that I really HAVE grown taller. All I can say is that I think this honey is making my cheeks stick to my temples, and making my ears buzz….this is fun. I’m handing out resumes tomorrow…I mean today. And I don’t have time to sleep before I go out…Kayla, can you make sure I’m wearing pants before we leave?
Current Mood: |
ecstatic |
Current Music: |
muuuuuuusic? lalalalala | |
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I’m very cross with the library administration. There is only one reading room and 7584754875 rooms available for conventions yet they insist on holding them in the Brenda Wallace room. It’s not even that these events happen every once in a while; EVERY day now there are at least tree of those anti-student signs hanging on the entrance. Today the room was booked for 9 HOURS. The bright colours they choose to print these notices on don’t make the situation easier to deal with. They’re more taunting then anything and I just know that the sheet is not going to be recycled. And why do I not suggest that they build another reading room? Because they’ll just hold more conventions! The least the library could do is post a sign at the BOTTOM of the stairs, warning us that we are being kicked out and not to make the 5848594 flight journey for nothing. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I think we should conspire to rip them all down anytime they are posted. we will have lookouts that hide in the bookcases and wear dark glasses and trench coats that replace them with signs about the ethics of pant wearing. Anyone in?
Current Mood: |
 discontent |
Current Music: |
five man electical band - signs | |
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I took a long walk tonight and ended up at the park. I seated myself on the bench and just basked in my natural surroundings, absorbing everything I saw and heard. Staring up at the sky I saw the Milky Way as I’d never seen it before. The stars were so bright, that they seemed to sparkle different colours. Then I saw an intense flicker from a window in the house across the street. Were they lighting an assembly of candles? How romantic. And then I heard whispers of Mozart playing in the distance. Was there a symphony gathering for practice? But alas, as I looked closer, the Milky Way was fiction created by the forever present sulphur releases of those large smoke stacks in the distance. They were probably American spy satellites that were deceiving me into believing that they were really stars. And the glow from the house strangely turned a different colour….a blue and then a red as those normally thrown out by television sets. And just as I was getting mad at the world for being sucked into this idea that we need technology to enjoy life and not realizing that it is actually replacing life, I realize that Mozart is actually playing in my pocket. And now, here I am, pouring this all out onto my laptop. Bah….I give up.
Current Mood: |
 okay |
Current Music: |
Mozart- my pocket | |
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Why is it that the grass always seems greener on the other side? Why can’t we stop comparing ourselves to others and simply ask if we ourselves are satisfied with the way things are in our own lives and not in comparison to someone else? How can we even imagine that we want something better when we don’t know if it really is better? Most things aren’t really all that much better; they are simply packaged and advertised to seem so by those who probably feel inadequate in other ways. Why is it so hard to believe that the best things in life don’t come with the packaging because they don’t need the packaging? I am starting to believe those who figure this out for themselves are the only ones who deserve to have the better things because they would appreciate them. Everyone else would simply regard this better thing as just another object to temporarily improve their lives until something else comes along that we may think is better (but actually isn’t).
Current Mood: |
 curious |
Current Music: |
billie holiday- all of me | |
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It’s funny how high emotions can run when one is running on a very minuscule amount of sleep. It seems that the more times I pull all-nighters, the less my body is able to handle the effects. I’m not sure if I’m beginning to hallucinate, but I’m defiantly starting to blow things out of proportion. Am I getting old or it just that we’re only allowed to put a set number of stresses on our bodies before they start fighting back. It might also be that I am also not allowing my body to fully recuperate before I send out another attack. But today was not my fault. I think one of the most uncanny of all images one can wake up to involves a giant bug perched on top of the blanket, folded close by one’s face. I experienced this twice now within a very short period of time so I can no longer disregard it as coincidence. I image that there is a giant ant farm hidden somewhere in my walls and that they are all conspiring to perform some sort of mind manipulation as their perching techniques suggest. As someone who doesn’t quickly jump on opportunity to indulge in the deadly industry of noxious substances, I’m not sure what to do. I’m not particularly afraid of bugs, so I allowed myself a lengthy moment to share with the ant before it met its doom. As I stared into those mesmerizing and grotesque eye balls, I couldn’t help but ask myself what he must be thinking. Does he know that he’s going to die? Does he wish that he had lived his life more freely instead of ‘towing the ant line’? Maybe he would have shared that piece of leaf more freely. Will the other creatures of my wall mourn his death? Maybe he thinks that I am his god and that he is already dead. Maybe he’s asking what I am thinking. Why is it that we don’t try to talk to the ants? Maybe they would respond if we asked questions. Maybe I should have thought of that before I smashed it into bug heaven.
Current Mood: |
 tired |
Current Music: |
system of a down - B.Y.O.B | |
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hfujswhfsw...
Current Mood: |
 bouncy | |
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I should be doing my essay, but I just got back from an interview with potential tenants and I can’t really concentrate. I should probably explain; I am renting out a couple of rooms in my house this summer. Its a lot more stressful then I thought it would be. Organizing the move-out of your family with the move-in of people you don’t know can leave one befuddled. This weekend was tremendous. Wow, I haven’t heard that word used since elementary school...where it was used to describe the smart child sitting next to me. Some distant family members made it down to the island for my grandfather's birthday and, like all family gatherings, it was a whole 48 hours of chaos. I however, love family chaos and I had Kayla there to enjoy it with me. She enjoyed it because it reminded her of Christmas. I like it because it reminds me that I have a personal nut house I can come back to any time I feel some sanity coming on.
There was much frenzy over lost siblings, wheel chairs on black ice, precious eggs that Kayla was terrified of breaking, and piles and piles of delicious food. Kayla and I carried with us the persistent and ever-so subtle scent of olives and barb-Q smoke. That was the scent we wore to the one and only watering holes of Little Current on the Saturday evening. We had to compete, however, with some of the enticing scents of the other girls in the bar like cow blood and beer. It was an interesting night none the less. A band named ‘days ahead’ played a decent show, while Kayla and I played an intense game of 'shoot the quarter' and the night was ended with a blood pumping escape through the sketchiest looking back door ever. Fun fun fun. Ian, I stole this from you. I think these people need a broader range of results though. They say the same thing about everyone, just arrange the points in a different order and use assorted adjectives. | Your Five Factor Personality Profile | 
Extroversion:You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
Current Mood: |
 anxious |
Current Music: |
from autumn to ashes- chloroform perfume | |
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Yesterday was my day of spring. A few days ago, Kayla had told me about her day of spring and how it was a wonderful, spontaneous feeling. She asked me if I had gotten that feeling yet, and I couldn’t answer her, because truthfully, I hadn’t. But yesterday it hit me like a ball of sunshine. I think the intensity is mostly due to laws of relativity. Winter is such a poignant season with all the lack of exposed skin to the sun’s happy rays. Then all of a sudden, BAM.. I went outside for less than 10 minutes, and it produced a smile on my face that refused to wane for the remainder of the day. For example, normally I have a tendency to be a bit angered when I get stuck behind a slow car in moving traffic. But this particular afternoon, I was just unreservedly happy to be driving 40 in a 60 zone. I even turned up the radio during a song I would normally find nauseating. It was a very good day But today is Shrove Tuesday, and I have to decide quickly what it will be, which I will force myself to sacrifice. To hold true to religious ideals, we should be giving something up of ourselves in order to make society better. So giving up your time to help out an old lady cross the street, or throwing yourself in front of a speeding train in order to save that wandering kitten are both great suggestions. I like the idea of running around the city searching out old women to help cross our devastated roads being ever destroyed by mad Sudbury drivers. I flirted with the idea of giving up msn. However, I decided against such an atrocity with the rationalization that it was not benefiting society. Phew, that was a close one! The suggestion was then made to me that I should try and be more patient. This, I am told would help keep my “road rage” problems under control. However, in order to make this attempt work, I would have to take step one: accept my problem, and I stubbornly like denial. Also, without me, there would be no need for anyone to keep the old folks company while crossing the road. I would thus be causing the old folks great loneliness on Ash Wednesday. I do not want to be responsible for such an event, therefore my Ash Wednesday commitment will be that I will try my best not to drive trains onto kittens.
Current Mood: |
jubilant |
Current Music: |
talk show host- radiohead | |
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Reading week has been kicked off with a slight wrinkle. It seems the harder I try to enjoy life, the more vicious my insecurities slap me in the face. In the past year, I have found an entirely new crowd of people to surround myself with and distract me from the depressing on-goings of normality. I couldn’t be happier, because these are exactly the people I’ve always wanted as friends; intelligent, interesting, fun and full of bizarre idiosyncrasies they are not afraid to show. In a way, I guess all new friendships are made with a little selfishness; you usually want something from that person. In odd cases those things can be material, or turn out to be dangerous. But typically there is just something about who that person IS that people find mesmerizing; so in my case, you want to learn to be like them. Friendships usually work out if the person sees something in you that they too can learn from. All of these new people I’ve met are exactly the people I want to be. But it seems the more I hang out with them, the less confident I become in believing I will ever reach their level of awesomeness. In fact, before I met any of them, I had some confidence in myself and my talents. It almost makes me sad that they have all crashed these delusions, because it only further proves the theory that ignorance is bliss. What a dreadful thought.
Current Mood: |
drained |
Current Music: |
such great heights- iron and wine | |
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Hello gremlins of the blog world! That was my official greeting to you. Now I would like to take the time to thank my supporters for their blog-starting capabilities. Eighttrack you are a supreme being. Kudos to that beautiful brain of yours. The following was actually written about a week ago, but I had no blog at the time in which to post it, so I’m adding it now I donated blood today. Every time I see the blood station, I get an overwhelming urge to save those two claimed lives. Does that mean I own their souls? I think that it is because they set the booth at the foot of the stairs where Mahatma Gandhi’s presence is so profound; and his head so shiny it puts you in a trance and makes you forget your problems. I seem to get past the question period well enough. “am I sure that I did not have sex with monkey’s in Africa?” yes, I’m sure, I hope. The day I was mailed my blood donor’s card I was so excited that I proclaimed with glee “yayyy! I don’t have AIDS!”, my mom gave me a strange and curious glance, but didn’t ask any questions. Did she really think I was concerned about getting aids? When it comes time to having the needle stabbed into my blood engorged veins, I feel as though I am acquiring a sudden form of illness that only results in death. Then I begin to picture what they really do with my blood. I tend to conjure a series of images that always include a party of socialite vampires toasting themselves in their scheming brilliance to set up blood donor clinics at the university. This image also makes me ill, but the doughnuts and apple juice always make me feel better in the end. Why is it that they always want you to throw the apple juice cans in the garbage afterward? Why have the desire to save lives, but what about the environment?
I also went to the registrar’s office where they sent me on a hunt to track down a very curious man. As it is my annoying custom, I knocked on the door marked 116 for about 2 whole minutes, then went to the washroom and upon my return, I continued to knock. I finally went to the next door and was given correct directions; I had been knocking on the wrong door. This man, the chair of the department of ethical studies, seemed like one of the nicest men I have met in the school as of yet. As it is laurentian’s way, he was very easy going and laid back, but to my amazement, also very helpful. I am now currently working toward a B.A of ethical studies as well as my B.S of ecology? Strange. Life is leading me in a very interesting direction. I hope one day to take over the world, become the philosopher king, and direct our entire economy towards the production of bio-smart products. It would be a change of pace from the manufacturing of hi-def television sets and anti-wrinkle creams, but I think that we can deal with it in good time. My goals for the day:
1. become enrolled in ethics program
2. talk to former chemistry professor about the strange final grade and a possible summer job cleaning up the environment and drinking beer; he is a very cool prof
3. join the sierra club, and become a card carrying member of the green party
4. write my godmother (I have been saying this one for about 7 years)
5. study for bio test I was on the bus home today when it happened to stop at a high school en route. An assembly of teens gathered on the bus, but one girl in particular stood out. She was your typical teeny bopper gone slutty, but it was her boorish discourse that hit me. She was standing in middle of the isle talking on her jewelled cell phone in her manicured hands while simultaneously shouting at random people from her school, calling them names like “retard” and telling them to shut up. As she stood there looking smug, a wave of high school reminiscence hit me. Do you remember girls like her? I sure as hell do. I felt bad for her because she thought she had some kind of regal right to treat people the way she did. And at the same time I too felt smug, because I knew of the kind of fate that would greet her once she left highschool. It would be very rare indeed if she wasn’t met with a rude awakening. That makes me feel better. But the fact that I get joy from this knowledge makes me sad. Ps. Happy post-anti-valentine’s day to you all!
Current Mood: |
restless |
Current Music: |
mad world- gary jewels | |
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Hi, my name is Mary Ellen.
Current Mood: |
groggy |
Current Music: |
smashing pumpkins | |
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nonsense86's journal